Affection: An word though soft and attractive, is an evil one, which can ruin life...
In this article I have addressed issue from a male prespective. The same holds good
from a female prespecitve also. Let me first give you the meaning of it from www.dictionary.com.
af?fec?tion1 /??f?k??n/
Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-fek-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1.fond attachment, devotion, or love: the affection of a parent for an only child.
2.Often, affections.
a.emotion; feeling; sentiment: over and above our reason and affections.
b.the emotional realm of love: a place in his affections.
3.Pathology. a disease, or the condition of being diseased; abnormal state of body or mind: a gouty affection.
4.the act of affecting; act of influencing or acting upon.
5.the state of being affected.
6.Philosophy. a contingent, alterable, and accidental state or quality of being.
7.the affective aspect of a mental process.
8.bent or disposition of mind.
9.Obsolete. bias; prejudice.
Affection is something abstract, but it can be felt. Let us go deep digging to this word.
Let us have 2 characters who will help us digging more about the word. "He" and "Her".
Let us say "He" is affectionate over "Her". Rather, let us say "He" feels affectionate over "Her".
If "He" feels affection over "Her", he should make her understand that affection. Rather, he should make her feel that affection.
Let me take the very first category of "He". This category never will make "Her"
know that they are affection over them. He stays off from her, and appreciate her
presence. For "He", she is the only one. But how come from "her" prespective he will be "the one for her"?. "If you are shy then be shy, if you are out-going then be out-going." is a famous line I read in a dating/psychology book. I meant reveal as what you are to your partner. Both geneder will accept the other gender to be what they are. Instead of confusing yourself what "she" will be thinking if you are shy or out-going. Make her feel that you are true. When you are true to her. They even when you are shy, she will be able to understand you hearts words, when words from your lips are lost.
But how will "he" make "her" understand (make feel) that he is affection over her? When I was reading a book about dating, I was surprised to read the line which said that most of what we are saying will be easily understood by someone based on "60% of all human communication is nonverbal, Body language, 30% is your tone matters. So 90% of what you are saying ain't coming out of your mouth". But in chat era you word and the truth in it counts all the 100%. Never snivel. It will show your lack of confidence. Guys are more confident than girls in expressing their affection. If you are affection over her, say that you like her. Here is the greatest difficulty you will face.
Even though if you say that you "like" her very much, and use affectionate words and caress her... but, everything needs reciprocation. "Even a beautiful woman, will not know, what she wants unless she finds it". It is not only for beautiful woman, in general all women and men are like that. Unless they find a person whom they like and show affection they will not know what they want. There are quite a lot of girls who are passive recievers. But I am not generalising. I would say the reason for this action of girls are either they are not confident enough to say that they "like" him or they are shy. let me complete the line: "Even a beautiful woman, will not know, what she wants unless she finds it. And the value what she found, will not be known, unless she finds it lost."
Affection is something kind of playing a Table Tennis. You need an opponent to return you the ball. I would say reciprocation is like a fight. Both have to fight to show how much they like each other. End of the fight would be success for both. But they should not tussle. So coming back to the toughest part, how to know whether "her" likes "he", how "he" is going to identify it?. If "her" does not show her affection over him? If at all the opponent is not returning the ball when you are playing tennis and it is more like playing with a wall, though it is game it is not fun, the fun will dampen and the one who is playing the ball will get vexed. I will leave this part to the readers to map to real life.
I would say all relationship are like holding a beautiful glass in hand. If you hold it loose, you will miss it. If you hold it tight, you will shatter it into pieces which will tear your hands and will be a scar for rest of your life. A relation in which you show affection, there won't be a decreasing curve if you plot it to timeline, it would be an increasing curve. Now the glass should also be able to get stronger to take the strenght exerted over it, and it should not break. It is not yet over, it should also make the hand which exerts the strength, to make feel that it is not going to shatter but it is accepting it, and make the hand feel comfortable.
Let me map this to real life of modern era. Why is words so important? In this modern world internet chat has become predominant. Where a word typed by "he" with lots of feelings ("hey how are you? how is life?") and affection when read by "her" without feelings will be a reply ("hey I am fine. How is life?"). But when "he" says the same sentence with words of feelings ("hey dear how are you? how is life?") in it, "her" will be able to recognise the affection and reply with affection ("hey dear I am fine? how is life?"). Isn't that one word makes the sentence more affectionate and alive?. (Here I am trying to remind one thing that there are people who use affectionte words to score adn win on each other, So only I said in initial part of article be TRUE, and opposite partner should be able to understand the TRUTH). If "he" likes "her" then he has to say "I like you very much". But there are answers for which questions should not be asked like "whether you like me?". "He" You should make her feel his affection. Unfortunately in this chat and email world only words can make you express it. Believe me, girls are the best recievers. But their shyness or lack of confidence make her not to express their feelings explicitly.
I want to ask each and every girls one question... "How will you feel like you express you feeling to you special man and he doesn't express/reciprocate it properly? Won't you get hurted? Why don't you substitute and think? " If you are not interested in the affection shown by the person, then say frankly that you don't want his affection. It will for sure hurt him, but instead of making getting hurted after a long time in a very bad manner, it is better to stop and make him realise it earlier.
Now there is one more thing left out. There are lot of characters which are more like a passive wall. Though she is a special one for him, whether he is a special one for her also is another question. I am not saying it needs to be conditional. Here also the part I want to stress the words count a lot. "he" says to "her" that "There are a lot things I feel only for you". Isn't it more making her understand that she is special one for him. Adding "you are special one" will make the person feel more concrete in understanding what is being conveyed. If "her" responds it like "okay and I take what everyone does like this only", though it showing "her"s compassion and calm mind/behaviour, how is it going to be for "he"?. Whether he has to take that he is not special one for her? This is also part of affection which can't be asked and people should take responsibility to reciprocate it properly. If at all, he is not special one, then say that "you are not that special to me" else "you are also special to me". If understanding affection in this chat era is difficult then how come people are going to understand it in future technologies.
There is no ways someone can enter into the mind of another and search for answers. It is how/what/when you say is all matters.
So last but not the least, "60% of all human communication is nonverbal, Body language, 30% is your tone matters. So 90% of what you are saying ain't coming out of your mouth". But in chat era you word and the truth in it counts all the 100%.
